Lost Boys request season halt to brainstorm new target.
Conrad Black Memorial Centre, Toronto--GM Richard Birt formally requested other FUNHL GMs consent to pause the season, so the Lost Boys staff, and the faithful lemmings could savour blowing last year's targets out of the water.
From his speech: "This week the Lost Boys have finished in 4th place overall (applause), secured the highest point total for the week--almost 50 points (wild applause), we're well above our previous target of 6th overall (ovation), and more than a full point ahead of rival team the Severed Heads (pause for boos, hisses). Unexpectedly, though not surprisingly, we are also third overall for the Challenge Cup (more cheers).
"I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all my fellow GMs for helping us get to this position before WD1--we couldn't have done it without you--and more importantly extend my thanks to all the Lost Boys, present and former, for their hard effort on the ice. My fellow lemmings, it may look like it's my hard work driving this team forward (cheers)--and it is--but let's not forget about those guys on the ice, day-in, day-out netting us actual points, and actual victories (more cheers).
"We're going to take a little time, here at the Lost Boys Braintrust, to come up with brand new goals for 2008. And we appreciate the support of all the other FUNHL teams to keep us where we are while we do so. I want to let each and every one of our Lemmings know, that I guarantee there will be more blood, more points, and more merchandise for them to purchase in the new year! (applause.) For our discriminating fans, we'll be offering new platinum priced tickets for the challenge-cup away games at the Conrad Black Memorial Arena (more applause.)
"For a new temporary target, the Lost Boys are aiming for 3rd place, and above the BladeRunners for WD2. Yes, I'd like to draw the attention of the entire league to the threat that replicants pose to our league. I say: real hockey positions for real hockey players! Down with the replicants! (wait for chants of "down with the replicants!")
"That said, I'd also like to remind the Lemmings that, having left them in the dust, it's time for us to stop treating the Severed Heads like the arch-criminals and heretics they may well be, and start treating them with a bit more care and consideration. This means putting the brains back in their heads when you're done mugging them, no more keying rude things into their cars, and giving the crutches back to their injured players when you've finished taunting them. I believe it is within all of us to treat reanimated citizens with a bit more care and consideration."
The Bladerunners will do everything in their power to help support the Lost Boys maintain their lofty position in 4th place. They are welcome to move into 3rd place providing that the cavemen and/or Highlanders would be so considerate as to stumble a bit.
As to finishing ahead of the Severed Heads, once you have done so for as many years as the Bladerunners have - you won't really be as excited about it anymore.
2 comments:
PRESS RELEASE
Lost Boys request season halt to brainstorm new target.
Conrad Black Memorial Centre, Toronto--GM Richard Birt formally requested other FUNHL GMs consent to pause the season, so the Lost Boys staff, and the faithful lemmings could savour blowing last year's targets out of the water.
From his speech: "This week the Lost Boys have finished in 4th place overall (applause), secured the highest point total for the week--almost 50 points (wild applause), we're well above our previous target of 6th overall (ovation), and more than a full point ahead of rival team the Severed Heads (pause for boos, hisses). Unexpectedly, though not surprisingly, we are also third overall for the Challenge Cup (more cheers).
"I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all my fellow GMs for helping us get to this position before WD1--we couldn't have done it without you--and more importantly extend my thanks to all the Lost Boys, present and former, for their hard effort on the ice. My fellow lemmings, it may look like it's my hard work driving this team forward (cheers)--and it is--but let's not forget about those guys on the ice, day-in, day-out netting us actual points, and actual victories (more cheers).
"We're going to take a little time, here at the Lost Boys Braintrust, to come up with brand new goals for 2008. And we appreciate the support of all the other FUNHL teams to keep us where we are while we do so. I want to let each and every one of our Lemmings know, that I guarantee there will be more blood, more points, and more merchandise for them to purchase in the new year! (applause.) For our discriminating fans, we'll be offering new platinum priced tickets for the challenge-cup away games at the Conrad Black Memorial Arena (more applause.)
"For a new temporary target, the Lost Boys are aiming for 3rd place, and above the BladeRunners for WD2. Yes, I'd like to draw the attention of the entire league to the threat that replicants pose to our league. I say: real hockey positions for real hockey players! Down with the replicants! (wait for chants of "down with the replicants!")
"That said, I'd also like to remind the Lemmings that, having left them in the dust, it's time for us to stop treating the Severed Heads like the arch-criminals and heretics they may well be, and start treating them with a bit more care and consideration. This means putting the brains back in their heads when you're done mugging them, no more keying rude things into their cars, and giving the crutches back to their injured players when you've finished taunting them. I believe it is within all of us to treat reanimated citizens with a bit more care and consideration."
QUestions will be taken at the conference.
;-)
Richard
GM Lost Boys.
Down with Replicants!
The Lemmings demand Blood!
The Bladerunners will do everything in their power to help support the Lost Boys maintain their lofty position in 4th place. They are welcome to move into 3rd place providing that the cavemen and/or Highlanders would be so considerate as to stumble a bit.
As to finishing ahead of the Severed Heads, once you have done so for as many years as the Bladerunners have - you won't really be as excited about it anymore.
;-)
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